THOU SHALT NOT WHINE - WHAT IS, IS

We called this the 11th commandment. But just this once, ok?

I was asked the other day what I found to be the hardest part of aging. I didn’t even have to think about it. The hardest thing has been hitting me in the face for months now. It isn’t the arthritic pain in my spine, the wakeful nights, the occasional incontinence. It isn’t that I can stand or walk for only about 10 minutes a time before I have to sit down and let the pain ease. It isn’t that I have to use the electric carts in the grocery store, or that my eyesight is getting worse and I am unable to drive after dark with any safety. It isn't the raised toilet seat or the little chair in the shower. It isn’t that to cuddle my cats, they have to get up in my lap by themselves because I can’t pick them up and it isn’t that everything takes twice or maybe three times longer to accomplish than it used to. This I can accept as natural, for me, at my age.

The hardest part of aging for me is the inability to be of any use to those I love. They don’t call me to drive them to the vet’s or the hospital. They don’t call me to pick up groceries when they are ill. They don’t call me to go shopping with them or to clean their houses, change their beds, or take care of their animals. I offer, of course, foolishly, because what can I really do to help? They are kind, always, and tell me how much it means to them that I do offer help and they surely will call me if I can do anything for them. But it is never me they call. They need someone younger and more able, more courageous to drive in the city and on the interstates, to run errands. It hurts when I find out that someone more capable, more efficient was the one who got the phone call for help. But – I am eternally grateful that there was help from anyone.

I know that I must practice living in the moment, that I must remember that trying to change someone or something from what they are to what I want them to be, to what I want me to be, will only cause me pain. I must accept what is (even if it sucks) with good grace and gratitude that I am at least able to provide my love and encouragement over the phone. And I can pray for them and be grateful that they have the best help and health they can find. And – I pray for me that I can accept what is, what I am now and not yearn for the days when I could be the capable one someone needed. I accept – I can – I will.